I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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