weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
