Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
