Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
