i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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