you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
