I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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