Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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