people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
