I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
