Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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