It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize