life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize