I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
