i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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