I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
