Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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