Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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