you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
