so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
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Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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