they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
