I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
