i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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