I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize