If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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