Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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