I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
