There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
