how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
