He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
