it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
