So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
