and she was petting her beer can
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
