After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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