i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
