yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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