I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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