Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
