No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
