I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
