my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
True strength comes from lack of pants
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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