Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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