ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize