dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
