I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
