Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
