she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
