i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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