Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
