If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
