She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
