I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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