What did we do last night that was yellow?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
