so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
