Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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