my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
