so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
