bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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