everyone is single if you try hard enough
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
