Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
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swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
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He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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