I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
