he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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