I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
