ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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