Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
