i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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