There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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