hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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