i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
