We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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