If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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